Dynasty Tales
by yu yevon333
Summary: A story my brother made up and I helped out with it. It's set in the rotk period with all the characters but a different story line. no chi bi or hu lao gate, but something new! 2nd chp about cao cao. disclaimer i own nothing.
1. pirates!

**For all readers of this story, this is written by my brother. I have helped a little. I have been busy but I will continue my story soon and I have another story coming soon, a more serious type.**

Red hot sparks were flying as the hammer came down on the metal. The user of the hammer wore a lead apron and a black smith helmet to protect himself from the intense heat. He picked the hot metal with some tongs and cooled it in some water. When the steam had gone the creator admired his work. However his boss had another opinion of it.

"What the hell is this!" he yelled.

The creator lifted his helmet off his head and said, "It's the best work I've ever done!"

"Liu Bei, we are shoe makers, not blacksmiths!" the boss scolded.

Liu Bei held his metal shoes up and asked, "What's wrong with them?"

"Who'd wear freaking metal shoes," the boss said angrily.

"But they look good don't they?" Liu Bei asked anxiously.

"This is what I think of them," the boss said, grabbing the shoes. He then (somehow) ripped the shoes in half, threw them in a bin, lit the bin on fire and threw the bin in a river.

"Now get back to work!" he ordered Liu Bei. Liu Bei, saddened at what his boss had done returned to work.

After half an hour of pricking his thumb over and over again with a needle, a man ran past screaming, "PIRATES! PIRATES ARE COMING! PIRATES ARE COMING! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

As the screaming man ran down the street, Liu Bei said to himself, "This looks bad," "Every one," he shouted out the window, "We have to protect ourselves from the pirates".

"What are you doing!" his boss shouted.

"Saving the town," Bei answered.

"No your not. Now get back to work," the boss commanded.

Liu Bei then punched his boss in the face.

"Ow! Your fired!" the boss cried out in pain.

"Yeah, whatever. Now everyone, we have to protect ourselves," Bei shouted, ignoring his boss' curses.

"What about the town guards? Can't they protect us?" one villager asked.

"No, a few years ago they went on a tea break and never came back. So I'll make us some armour and weapons," Liu Bei explained. Then the town blacksmith glared at him. "Fine, the blacksmith will make the armour and weapons and I'll hand them out," Bei sighed.

THE PIRATES SHIP

"All right guys, ready to do some pillaging?" The captain of the pirates, Gan Ning asked.

"Yes," the second in command Zhou Tai answered.

"Yeah!" the crew shouted, with enthusiasm.

"All right, I'll stay here and Zhou Tai will lead the attack. Now go!"

Why aren't you coming," a pirate asked.

"Because I can't be stuffed," he replied

**THE VILLAGE**

"All right," Liu Bei said as he looked through his binoculars. "They have a much larger force than us. Half of you will try to lead them away. The other half will stay here with me and protect the village if you fail," Liu Bei explained the plan. "CHARGE!!!!"

**THE PIRATES**

"They defend?" Zhou Tai said with mild surprise.

"Who cares? They're only villagers, they can't beat us!" one pirate boasted.

"ATTACK!!!"

**THE VILLAGE INN**

"Damn pirates! Ping we have to hurry," A tall man with a long beard said.

"But dad, can't we fight?" his son asked.

"No Ping, we have to leave. Come on". As they left the inn, a bloated man staggered into Guan Yu.

"Watch where yooou're go'in," the overweight man was obviously drunk. "I'll haft a kill ya," He slurred.

"I don't have time for you," Guan Yu said impatiently and knocked him to the ground. Then a girl with shoulder length black hair came and helped the drunk to his feet.

"Sorry about this," The girl apologised. She had large, brown eyes. Guan Ping suddenly felt giddy and his heart started beating faster than normal.

"I suggest you leave this village like me and my son," Guan Yu grabbed Guan Ping and continued to flee.

"Father Look!" Guan Ping pointed at a man fighting the pirates. The man was thin and didn't appear to be very strong, but he was fast with his blade. The pirate was a head taller than the man and black covered his body. He had a scar on his left eye and he used a tachi as a weapon. The man attacked the pirate, but fell to the ground.

Guan Ping lifted his zanbato and ran to help the man.

"Ping!" Guan Yu shouted in frustration.

"Damn it!" Guan Yu cursed as he followed his son. The pirate noticed the new comers and greeted them with a flurry of lightning quick slashes.

"All right, a fight!" The fat man was now partly sober and he picked up his pike and joined the fight. His daughter sighed and followed her partly drunken father. The scarred pirate slashed Guan Ping's arm and he fell to the ground.

"What kind of son are you! You get into a fight and then one slash and you're down" Guan Yu said angrily.

"Thank you," Liu Bei said as the girl helped him to his feet.

"That's all right" she said, looking at her father fight. He was choking the scarred pirate with one hand and then threw him into a wall.

"I'm Xing Cai," the girl introduced herself. "And that's my father, Zhan Fei," she pointed to the fat guy.

"I'm Liu Bei and thank you Xing Cai and Zhang Fei," he said as the other men walked over to him. "What are your names," he asked.

"I'm Guan Yu and this is my son Guan Ping," the bearded man introduced himself.

"Well thank you and—what the hell is that!" Liu Bei pointed behind the others.

They turned to see an army of pirates heading their way, chanting, "PIRATES ROCK!!!" over and over again.

"Look! The village is on fire!" Liu Bei shouted.

"How did this happen!" Zhang Fei asked.

**A FEW MINUTES AGO ON THE PIRATE SHIP**

"Why did I stay behind? This is so boring! I'll just bang these rocks together to pass some time," a bored Gan Ning said to himself. A spark came of the rocks and landed on an oil covered cloth and it burst into flames. "OH SHIT!" Gan Ning shouted and picked it up and threw it out the window. "I hope that it doesn't start a serious fire".

**OUTSIDE THE BURNING VILLAGE**

"My village is gone," Liu Bei said with tears in his eyes. No one said anything as Liu Bei wept for his lost home.

"So what will you do now?' Guan Yu asked.

"Hunt those pirates down and obtain revenge."

"Sounds like fun! Mind if I join you" Zhang Fei asked.

"Dad!" Xing Cai said shocked.

"It'll be all right, I'll look after you," Zhang Fei reassured. Xing Cai sighed.

"I'll also help you. They took away your home and killed so many people. They deserve to be punished," Guan Yu said bitterly.

"All right dad!" Guan Ping said excitedly. Now he could spend more time with Xing Cai.

"Thank you," Liu Bei said, grateful.

"Well we'd better start figuring out were that ship is going," Guan Yu said.

"We should also gather the villagers to see if any one wants to help," Zhang Fei suggested.

"All right then," he would make sure that they would pay for what they had done.

**Well that's the first chapter please review. I hope you enjoyed it.**


	2. yuan shu sucks

**Okay, chapter 2. This time it's about Cao Cao**

**CAO CAO'S PALACE**

Cao Cao yawned as he woke up. _I love being rich._ "Xiahou Dun!" Cao Cao called.

"What is it Cao Cao?" Xiahou Dun asked as he entered Cao Cao's bedroom.

"Could you get me a drink?" Cao asked.

"Can't you get a servant to do that?" Xiahou Dun asked pissed off.

"Just get me one".

"Fine," Xiahou Dun stomped out of the room. A few minutes later he returned and said, "Here's your drink, cousin".

"Thank you," he then gulped down the drink and said, "another one, please".

"All right then," Dun snatched the glass from Cao and left again.

He returned, Cao Cao drank it and asked, "Another one".

"Okay then," Dun said, trembling with rage.

He returned again and Cao Cao drank it and said "Another one".

"You don't need another frigging drink" Xiahou Dun shouted.

"I want one," Cao Cao said with a smile.

"Last one".

"Here you go," he handed Cao Cao the drink and deliberately spilt it.

"Oops, you'll have to get me another".

"SCREW YOU!!!" he shouted and left the room.

"I love annoying him," Cao Cao laughed.

He then got out of bed and dressed himself. "Servant, go find my generals and tell them to go to the meeting hall," He commanded a servant that was walking past.

**THE MEETING HALL**

Cao Cao studied his generals. Xiahou Dun was sitting next to him, still in a bad mood. Xiahou Yuan was on his other side, inspecting his nails. Next to Xiahou Yuan was Cao Ren in a high chair, to short to sit on a big person's chair. Then the last seat was empty. "Where's Cao Pi?" Cao Cao asked.

"Over here father," He was leaning against a wall, trying to be cool. "I have some news everyone," Cao Pi stated.

"It's my meeting, you don't get to say anything," Cao Cao said angrily.

"Wait its important! I got a girlfriend!" Everyone in the room laughed.

"Ha ha, oh, you're serious. Well I bet she's fat and ugly," Cao Cao taunted.

"Here she is," Cao Pi introduced his girlfriend.

"Hey, I was going to marry her! If I can't have her, no one can! Execute her!" Cao Cao commanded. A few guards came and grabbed her.

"Cao Pi, I'm really…. A man! I just dated you to get your money," he said as he was dragged away.

Everyone in the room burst into laughter except Cao Pi.

"I bet you kissed him," Xiahou Dun laughed.

"No," Cao Pi said quietly.

"Yeah, I bet you had sex with him," Cao Ren added. The laughter stopped and everyone stared at Cao Ren.

"He would have known he was a man if he had, you idiot," Xiahou Yuan said.

"That aside, the reason I called you here is…" Cao Cao made a dramatic pause. "I want to know why the hell Yuan Shao's army is outside my castle!"

Every one looked out the window; Cao Ren had to grab a stool. "Hmm… strange we never noticed that," Xiahou Dun said surprised.

"Who's leading them?" Xiahou Yuan asked.

A man dressed in fancy gold armour shouted, "I'm better than you!" A tall, muscular man next to him shouted, "He said that he is the greatest, smartest, most handsome, strongest warrior ever, Yuan Shu! Oh, and he's better than you".

"Xiahou Dun, take the others out there and get rid of them," Cao Cao commanded.

**THE BATTLE FIELD**

"This sucks! I'm Cao Cao's son, I should be in charge!" Cao Pi moaned.

"Quit moaning and kill some one," Xiahou Dun shouted.

**YUAN SHU'S SIDE**

"I'm better than," Yuan Shu commanded his strategist and general.

"He said go out there and kill them," Yuan Shu's muscular translator said.

"Fine. Let's go Xu Huang," Sima Yi said.

"Alright," he grabbed Sima Yi with one hand and with the other spun his axe above his head. He then flew into the sky towards Cao Cao's castle.

"How the hell did he do that!" the translator asked.

"I'm better than you," Yuan Shu said shaking his head.

**CAO CAO'S CASTLE**

"What the hell!" Cao Cao said in shock as a man flew through the window. As he landed, he stopped spinning his battle axe and let the man in a dress on the ground.

"I'm Sima Yi, the smartest man in the world," the man in a dress introduced himself.

"I thought that was Zhuge Liang?" Cao Cao said.

"Shut up!" Sima Yi shouted.

"And I'm—

"You don't get an introduction," Sima Yi interrupted. "Any way—

"Yeah, yeah, I don't care about you, who's the guy who can fly?" Cao Cao asked ignoring the strategist.

"Xu Huang," Xu Huang answered. "And my great axe, Steven".

"Want to join me?" Cao Cao asked.

"Only if my lord joins," He said.

"Okay then, retard want to join?"

"Grr… only if I get to kill Yuan Shu," Sima Yi compromised.

"All right then, it's a deal," Cao Cao said with a grin.

"Come on Sima Yi, let's go! Do your stuff Steven," Xu Huang picked up Sima Yi and flew out the window.

"That is so cool," Cao Cao awed.

**YUAN SHU**

"I'm better than you!" Yuan Shu screamed.

"Good idea my lord," the translator placed Yuan Shu one his back and ran.

"Come back!" As Xu Huang flew, Sima Yi shot lasers at the golden prick.

**AFTER THE BATTLE**

"Unfortunately, Yuan Shu got away. But now we have a general who's not related to me and a strategist," Cao Cao explained to his men.

"Bout time," Xiahou Dun mumbled.

"Oh yes, could you get me a drink?"

"ARRGGHH!!!"

**THAT'S THE SECOND CHAPTER. REVIEW PLEASE.**


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